I have the soul of a healer. My soul food, is helping others. Whether it be through the variety of day jobs I’ve had in my life, stepping in to assist a stranger, making sure my partner has everything he needs, showing up at a friend’s house to ease her worries, giving free healing sessions, doing paid healing sessions, writing, giving an hour and a half instead of just the hour, and often going above and beyond, give give give.
At one time in my life this would have been seen as traits similar to people pleasing, approval seeking and even codependency, and someone with super fluid boundaries. So fluid in fact, that they floated away… wayyyyyy out to the far beyond. I’m not sure they existed. You know what? That’s okay, because at the core of it all, it made my soul, crazy happy.
As the cool coaches say… “It lit me up!”
I came into this world to heal others. I’m not going to hide behind the guise anymore of whatever term of the week I would choose in the past. People ask what my calling is. People ask what my soul purpose is, and without a doubt, I am a healer.
The story of my Creation as I’ve only mentioned briefly before, was that I did not want to come here. I did not want to be here, but when I saw the darkness, I knew there was another way, and knew that the darkness wasn’t to be feared. Many people are familiar with the term lightworker. I do not call myself a lightworker, but I do believe in love, the power of our thoughts, and that magic is real. It is all highly romantic and beautiful really, and it feels so seductive and sexy, and it works. I have felt better. I have seen people feel better and make huge improvements in their life, and I truly love the light.
This morning as I was thinking about this, this term floated through my mind. Maybe it’s out there somewhere, maybe it’s been used, but I feel like I’m a Shadow Realist. Let me explain.
We all have dark times in our lives. In some way shape or form there is some sort of pain. There is a sliding scale of pain as we all handle life differently, but there is no room for judgment, or comparison. Pain, is pain to me.
When I look at someone’s pain, I see it deeply. I see through the bad mood, the argument, the words. I see beyond what I am being shown. I feel pain too. I feel it deep in my body. Not only mine, but yours. So many people have said to me, how I need to protect myself from this! Wrap myself in white light and purple light, and Unicorn dust, and I do, but this is how I connect with people. This is how I embody the connection between healer and client. Sounds rather “woo” I’m sure, but that’s the truth. Not to worry though, I feel the joy, love and excitement too. It’s wildly contagious and just as brilliant to experience, and I can disconnect it in an instant, it’s never hurt me.
The other part is that I’m a realist. I know, that the love light and butterflies have their time and place, but we need to know our darkness and our shadows. I actually feel uncomfortable saying this with authority because there is such brilliant lightwork out there, and I’ve been told so many times how “heavy” and “dark” I am, that I’m questioning my own truth here. That’s how I know my ego is stepping in, thinking I need to quiet down and go along, to get along.
My soul knows, that there is nothing to fear with the shadows or the dark, but we are so quick to put a balm on things that we don’t allow what needs to come through, to come through. What happens, is it comes back, it shows up when you don’t want it to, it ruins a perfectly good day, it burns your moment.
It’s one thing to say, this too shall pass, or everything happens for a reason, but if we don’t look at the this, or the reason, it’s going to swing by again, and again, and again.
I believe there are lessons in everything, and that those burns, depressed days, the anxiety, the physical pain, the argument, the sadness, the traffic, the challenge that shows up at your precious little feet, are all moments that we need.
I know, it sounds awful doesn’t it?
Why on earth could we *need* those moments? Because those are the days that we have been gifted, regardless of what comes with them. Yes, even the “bad” stuff, *wistful sigh*.
I ask, how would you know light, if you did not know dark?
As a Healer, I am able to see into that darkness with a certain level of I dare say, grace, and bring forward new visions, clarity, truths. I am then able to help put balm on soul wounds and heart aches. I am able, to dance with the shadows, in the dark and the light, with you.
As 2017 came to an end, I closed off many things in my life. I ended relationships, both personal and business. I closed out some business membership work I was doing much earlier than expected. I realized that I want to work with men and women. I discovered my affinity towards helping people with addictions. Not the common addictions like alcohol and drugs, these too, but other things like, anger, being stuck, money habits, food habits, our cell phones and I have to say it, Facebook.
So what do I see for 2018?
I see a lot of what you already have seen me offer, with a deeper commitment of authenticity, soul food and me.
My individual intuitive writing pieces, my oracle card readings, my Reiki energy healing treatments, interviews, drum medicine, online workshops, downloadable medicine, a new group, that I’ve been playing with for about 24 hours and am almost ready to open the doors on, one on one clients, a package or two of bundle healing offerings, and just all of me, in my way. No more gurus, no more “this is what everyone is doing” energy, no more this is how to sell, this is how to blah blah blah. Sounds like a lengthy list right? Lots of goals? Not enough focus? No “smart” map layout. No laser point direction.
But that’s just it, the soul, my soul, is very clear, and from one week to the next different things may feel good, because I’m a focused-what feels good right now-kind of healer, and I’m totally light, dark, shadow realistically cool with that.
P.S. Lots of purple hearts and unicorns too.
Another day gifted to us. This morning when we woke I knew I needed quiet time before we got started for the day. I’ve always needed this quiet space between sleep and the start of the day. It helps me balance, focus and set intentions to start the day on the right note. The Truth is, I could sit in silence and stillness all day, and I have always said that we are surrounded by too much noise.
Adrian sat close by reading a book and I sat at my desk writing and breathing into the day. The calmness and quiet was blissful.
As he finished the chapter he was reading, he lit a piece of sage and smudged, and handed me the bowl. After I smudged myself, I walked around our home, clearing and praying. Sending blessings and gratitude to all of the things here that are so very special to both of us. Artwork by a residential school survivor, stones with the 7 teachings written on them, feathers, drums, sweet grass, candles, fresh water that we are gifted each day, our bed where we rest and heal, grateful for the day. Just to name a few.
I asked if he was going to smoke his Canupa (sacred pipe) today. He said he had thought about it and then proceeded to collect everything that is needed for this ceremony. I sat and softly drummed while he prepared. Then we sat in the quiet smoked, and prayed.
For everyone who happens upon this piece, if you woke today not feeling how you truly want to feel, know that you can decide to create your mornings, or days, any way your heart desires, starting at any time.
We have reached the end of November, and tomorrow we embrace the final month of 2017. I drew this card today.
The first feeling that came to me was, how although it may be tough to forgive others, it is tougher to forgive ourselves at times.
I feel this card is calling us to take the time to honour the sacred space that we embody on this earth, and allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel, and then stop beating ourselves up for whatever it is that we have done, or are doing, and decide to take the next best action.
Isn’t it time you surrendered, and forgave, you?
I have worked with various counsellors, healers, business and personal development coaches, groups and mentors of some kind for almost a decade. One of the biggest things I have learned, is knowing when it is time to take an inventory, and determine when I have outgrown a particular energy, teaching, dynamic or style.
Which, let me tell you, is not a simple thing to do. Because Society tells us we must be a certain way. We must choose a specific route. We should / shouldn’t do certain things. Here are some of my favourite examples that have kept me out of right-relationship with my soul path.
Articles and posts on how if you have the same friends from Pre-School you must be loyal, and if you don’t then you’ve got something wrong with you. Or any other cliché I’ve read this week.
The commitments I’ve made to stay the course of a particular group or class, because walking away would make me look bad.
The twelve step groups that mocked and said “don’t worry you’ll be back”, when I expressed that I felt aligned with a different direction on my journey.
Let’s not forget the friends who think I abandoned them because I no longer want to “hang out”, talking about the weather, drinking or hearing about their latest escape mechanism from reality.
Let’s take this a step further. The medical professional, the lawyer, the accountant, the massage therapist, the business coach, who really don’t align for you anymore. But you feel you are obligated to stay, for whatever reason your mind tells you.
This, is, not, true.
It doesn’t make them wrong, or you right. Or you wrong, or them right. It isn’t about that at all.
It is about, aligning with YOURSELF, and what your soul knows.
Here’s the thing. We outgrow people, and stuff and things. period.
It’s called, change. It’s called, expansion. It’s called, thriving. It’s called, living your life the way your soul wants.
Are you feeling stuck? It might be time to look at who and what you are surrounded by. What you think is helpful, may actually be the training wheels that simply need to come off so you can soar.
What if just for today, you gave yourself permission to evaluate everything you are taking into your life, and how it is, or isn’t contributing.
You really may be surprised at what awaits if you make space by releasing the things you’ve outgrown.
Yours, In darkness, light and unicorn huggz. 💜
Today is world suicide prevention day.
I’m holding sacred space today for my life with deep love and gratitude for where I am, in this moment, because of my choices, all of them.
I’ve written endless posts on this topic in the past and I’ve been met with an array of responses. So today, I’m choosing simple yet powerful.
I have love for…
for those who have chosen to die
for those who have chosen to live
for those who are still deciding