I can, and I will

IcanIwill

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My Medicine, My Healing Practice ~ And Where I Am Today

I have the soul of a healer. My soul food, is helping others. Whether it be through the variety of day jobs I’ve had in my life, stepping in to assist a stranger, making sure my partner has everything he needs, showing up at a friend’s house to ease her worries, giving free healing sessions, doing paid healing sessions, writing, giving an hour and a half instead of just the hour, and often going above and beyond, give give give.

At one time in my life this would have been seen as traits similar to people pleasing, approval seeking and even codependency, and someone with super fluid boundaries. So fluid in fact, that they floated away… wayyyyyy out to the far beyond. I’m not sure they existed. You know what? That’s okay, because at the core of it all, it made my soul, crazy happy.

As the cool coaches say… “It lit me up!”

I came into this world to heal others. I’m not going to hide behind the guise anymore of whatever term of the week I would choose in the past. People ask what my calling is. People ask what my soul purpose is, and without a doubt, I am a healer.

The story of my Creation as I’ve only mentioned briefly before, was that I did not want to come here. I did not want to be here, but when I saw the darkness, I knew there was another way, and knew that the darkness wasn’t to be feared. Many people are familiar with the term lightworker. I do not call myself a lightworker, but I do believe in love, the power of our thoughts, and that magic is real. It is all highly romantic and beautiful really, and it feels so seductive and sexy, and it works. I have felt better. I have seen people feel better and make huge improvements in their life, and I truly love the light.
This morning as I was thinking about this, this term floated through my mind. Maybe it’s out there somewhere, maybe it’s been used, but I feel like I’m a Shadow Realist. Let me explain.

We all have dark times in our lives. In some way shape or form there is some sort of pain. There is a sliding scale of pain as we all handle life differently, but there is no room for judgment, or comparison. Pain, is pain to me.

When I look at someone’s pain, I see it deeply. I see through the bad mood, the argument, the words. I see beyond what I am being shown. I feel pain too. I feel it deep in my body. Not only mine, but yours. So many people have said to me, how I need to protect myself from this! Wrap myself in white light and purple light, and Unicorn dust, and I do, but this is how I connect with people. This is how I embody the connection between healer and client. Sounds rather “woo” I’m sure, but that’s the truth. Not to worry though, I feel the joy, love and excitement too. It’s wildly contagious and just as brilliant to experience, and I can disconnect it in an instant, it’s never hurt me.

The other part is that I’m a realist. I know, that the love light and butterflies have their time and place, but we need to know our darkness and our shadows. I actually feel uncomfortable saying this with authority because there is such brilliant lightwork out there, and I’ve been told so many times how “heavy” and “dark” I am, that I’m questioning my own truth here. That’s how I know my ego is stepping in, thinking I need to quiet down and go along, to get along.

My soul knows, that there is nothing to fear with the shadows or the dark, but we are so quick to put a balm on things that we don’t allow what needs to come through, to come through. What happens, is it comes back, it shows up when you don’t want it to, it ruins a perfectly good day, it burns your moment.
It’s one thing to say, this too shall pass, or everything happens for a reason, but if we don’t look at the this, or the reason, it’s going to swing by again, and again, and again.

I believe there are lessons in everything, and that those burns, depressed days, the anxiety, the physical pain, the argument, the sadness, the traffic, the challenge that shows up at your precious little feet, are all moments that we need.
I know, it sounds awful doesn’t it?

Why on earth could we *need* those moments? Because those are the days that we have been gifted, regardless of what comes with them. Yes, even the “bad” stuff, *wistful sigh*.

I ask, how would you know light, if you did not know dark?
As a Healer, I am able to see into that darkness with a certain level of I dare say, grace, and bring forward new visions, clarity, truths. I am then able to help put balm on soul wounds and heart aches. I am able, to dance with the shadows, in the dark and the light, with you.

As 2017 came to an end, I closed off many things in my life. I ended relationships, both personal and business. I closed out some business membership work I was doing much earlier than expected. I realized that I want to work with men and women. I discovered my affinity towards helping people with addictions. Not the common addictions like alcohol and drugs, these too, but other things like, anger, being stuck, money habits, food habits, our cell phones and I have to say it, Facebook.

So what do I see for 2018?

I see a lot of what you already have seen me offer, with a deeper commitment of authenticity, soul food and me.

My individual intuitive writing pieces, my oracle card readings, my Reiki energy healing treatments, interviews, drum medicine, online workshops, downloadable medicine, a new group, that I’ve been playing with for about 24 hours and am almost ready to open the doors on, one on one clients, a package or two of bundle healing offerings, and just all of me, in my way. No more gurus, no more “this is what everyone is doing” energy, no more this is how to sell, this is how to blah blah blah. Sounds like a lengthy list right? Lots of goals? Not enough focus? No “smart” map layout. No laser point direction.

But that’s just it, the soul, my soul, is very clear, and from one week to the next different things may feel good, because I’m a focused-what feels good right now-kind of healer, and I’m totally light, dark, shadow realistically cool with that.

Love,
Heather 💜🦄

P.S. Lots of purple hearts and unicorns too.

 

Rock Your Mud _ Deeper (1)

The Morning Calm

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Another day gifted to us. This morning when we woke I knew I needed quiet time before we got started for the day. I’ve always needed this quiet space between sleep and the start of the day. It helps me balance, focus and set intentions to start the day on the right note. The Truth is, I could sit in silence and stillness all day, and I have always said that we are surrounded by too much noise.

Adrian sat close by reading a book and I sat at my desk writing and breathing into the day. The calmness and quiet was blissful.

As he finished the chapter he was reading, he lit a piece of sage and smudged, and handed me the bowl. After I smudged myself, I walked around our home, clearing and praying. Sending blessings and gratitude to all of the things here that are so very special to both of us. Artwork by a residential school survivor, stones with the 7 teachings written on them, feathers, drums, sweet grass, candles, fresh water that we are gifted each day, our bed where we rest and heal, grateful for the day. Just to name a few.

I asked if he was going to smoke his Canupa (sacred pipe) today. He said he had thought about it and then proceeded to collect everything that is needed for this ceremony. I sat and softly drummed while he prepared. Then we sat in the quiet smoked, and prayed.

For everyone who happens upon this piece, if you woke today not feeling how you truly want to feel, know that you can decide to create your mornings, or days, any way your heart desires, starting at any time.

Love,
Heather 

2018

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It has been just over 12 hours since I woke. It’s been about 10 since I tried to compose “just the right” piece for a year end message.
 
It has been about 5 minutes, since I realized that I really don’t need to write/say/do anything. As today was about me looking inward, reflecting and feeling.
 
I sat with my beautiful new smudge bowl in front of me, a candle lit, and played my drum. I prayed to the Creator. Everything I needed to “say”, I felt in my heart, and knew my previous attempts were coming from a different place.
 
You see, everything I thought I needed to do today, was a creation of my mind.
 
When I got into my heart, I was gifted these words.
 
Keep it simple.
 
Everything in life, can be simplified if we embrace each 24 hour gift with love. Love in our actions, our thoughts and words. By focusing on today, this moment, right here right now, we will build a week, a month, and soon, a year. Don’t put pressure on 2018 to “hopefully be better than the last”. Just take things one day at a time, from a love filled space.
 
Happy New Year, New Day, New Minute.
 
Love,
Heather 💜🦄
 

A Magical Grinch

The annual “label” thrown my way is that I’m a Grinch. So, here we go. I proudly stand before you with my magical Grinch words and offer you the latest from my soul.
 
I’m used to labels. You see when I decided I didn’t want to “fit in” anymore, I naturally excommunicated myself mostly everyone I used to spend my time with. New friendships and connections have formed, it wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
 
Perhaps I am anti-holiday because of what has become of them. I am anti-debt, anti-over commercialization, anti-keeping up with the Joneses, or let’s say Kardashians to keep this current, but the problems are still the same.
 
My personal all time absolute favourite thing at this time of year, are all of the alcohol references, in jokes, tv shows, memes, talk show hosts, on how best to “cope” with the holiday season.
 
Wait. Cope with the holiday season. You know, as much as I detest alcohol for a plethora of reasons, the marketing is brilliant!
 
COPE.
 
Now, before you think I’m headed for a train wreck, hear me out.
 
Why do we have to cope with the holidays? Why are the holidays so stressful? Why are they so unbearable?
 
During this time of over commercialization, debt and year end madness. Please remember to have alcohol on hand at all times to make sure you can cope with it all!! The alcohol industry is A BIG business. We all know this. We also know, they have you right in their dirty little hands. Cha-CHING!
 
Remember this, most likely within 24 hours of December 25th, everything you’ve been stressing over, agonizing over and trying to make perfect will be over. Sad isn’t it? Ho hum.
 
BUT you’ll be able to sit down with your favourite bottle and drink up! Actually, probably not your favourite because you’d already have that gone, now you’re on the last resort stuff. Which is fine, because you’ll still be able to forget all about it! In fact, why don’t you just drink during the festivities? Actually, start now! While you’re reading this post!
 
Folks, you don’t have to buy anything for anyone. You do not have to go in debt. You do not have to do what you’ve always done, because your favourite Aunt Guiltrip, and Uncle Shames will be disappointed if you don’t. I’m not here to rob you of the joy you want to create in your life, but I’m here to let you know that the build up for one day a year, can be much more aligned and deepened if you choose your actions, your gifts, and your plans with what is authentic to you.
 
There is nothing inherently wrong with gifting something to someone, but it is the overindulgence to the point that come January, all those 2017 problems you don’t want in 2018? Are right there with you. Of course, you can take one of those bottles you stashed and cope while you open your credit card bills, or, you can decide to do things differently.
 
A box of chocolates isn’t love. Perfume doesn’t get you the partner. A mountain of gifts under a perfectly good tree that has been chopped down out of a forest isn’t true happiness. (Feel free to reference former posts about nails in my sweet gifted tree to see how I feel about their pain).
 
Alcohol isn’t how you cope.
 
We bring this stress on ourselves, we allow ourselves to be entangled with people who do the same. It doesn’t have to be that way. Coping, is not living. It is existing. It is getting through the phase as pain free and as quickly as possible, yet all we do, is create more pain because we stay in the vicious cycle. We don’t actually look at what’s really going on, or why we are doing what we are doing.
 
Do what actually feels good and right in your heart. If you do decide to indulge, with gifts, plans, food or alcohol, do it consciously and ask; is this a loving act? Or an act that will lead to regret.
 
Love,
Heather, a Different Kind of Grinch 💜🦄
rockyourmuddotcom
 

Why Are They So Annoying?

You know that person who gets on your nerves? Who does everything differently than you? Who doesn’t care for their things the way you do? Or you deem ignorant, selfish or jerky. The person who walks in late all the time. The person who cuts you off in traffic that you decide to honour with a special hand gesture. The person who takes the last of something you were hoping to purchase. The person who isn’t ready to pay at the checkout and is delayed in taking their bank card out? The person who somehow manages to manipulate situations that you wish your boss would notice? The person who “has it all” and displays such on the Facebook highlight reel, yet you know they cheat on their spouse, start trivial arguments to avoid connection, or jump from one debt to another because, they really don’t have it all?
What a bunch of assholes right? I mean, how dare they inconvenience you. How inconsiderate, selfish and rude that they just take up space anywhere near your existence.
Good grief. I wish they’d just get OVER themselves, and get off this planet that they are clearly destroying just by breathing!
 
Deep cleansing breath.
 
Yes, this was me circa before-my-heart-reopened, and I’ll admit, I still have my moments, but they are brief, and I try to remember a very crucial thing. We are all just trying to survive, and in doing so, some people are very destructive, often, subconsciously. But it isn’t personal.
 
Now before you get all “ya but’y” on me, hear me out.
All of those people. Look around. Look to your left, look to your right. Look at the people you work with, live beside, go to school with, look at your family, look at your friends. They are…..
 
E V E R Y W H E R E
 
But wait, you are the common element. So let’s look at you. I’ll do it too. Don’t worry.
 
No, seriously, I’ll wait. Think about all those people, places and things you hate, that annoy you, that get on your last nerve. How does your body feel? Agitated? Shoulders up around your ears perhaps? Feeling a little… inflamed?
All the “I hate that person because…” or “If so-and-so does this, I’m going to do xyz…” or when you observe with disdain someone acting out, aren’t you exhausted? I know I was. I know I am, when I get in this head space.
 
What I’ve come to learn is that when I let these things take up space in my head, I am out of alignment. I have stepped out of soul authenticity. I have blown a hole in the bridge from getting my head in right relationship with my heart.
 
What about you? How is your hate, annoyance, frustration and negative responses helping you stay in right relationship with your true self?
 
Is now the time to see what you’re allowing to occupy your mind? Is now the time to surrender, and allow yourself to release the negative auto-response of the exasperated sigh, the finger, the raised voice?
 
Is it time to just get quiet about the stuff you currently use your time agonizing over, and let your roar be from your heart, instead of your mouth?
 
I suspect, you may be surprised with how much better you feel. I know I was. 💜🦄
rockyourmud.com
 

Moody Storm Cloud

 
I am a brilliant and beautiful moody storm cloud. I turn on a dime. I swing from one to the next. Clinically diagnosed with anything? Nope. Good Ol’ DSM hasn’t got a title for me yet. But I’m sure they are working on it for version X.
 
This week I acted differently, this morning at around 1, 2, 3 and 4 AM I knew I was not balanced in mind, body, or spirit.
 
At 4:45 I decided to choose differently after a week, of choosing differently.
 
A quick review;
 
Work was mentally taxing.
 
Body is sore.
 
Slept awful, for the first time in 2 weeks since I finally got my sleeping on track after about 2 months.
 
I had a nightmare about my mother abusing prescriptions, after 20 years of not, and continuing to lie to my face, stirring up all those feelings from my younger self. The kind where you wake up and have to remind yourself;
 
You’re safe.
 
I had a nightmare that a sweet kitty was hurt and I couldn’t get to him to help him.
 
I’ve seen things that upset me.
 
I’ve heard words that hurt me.
 
Yet, I chose to remain a bit lighter and more positive this week. Said kind things to people. Smiled. Didn’t spiral down just because I was in a mood. Enjoyed laughing with people this week over silly things. Lightened up and took a breath.
 
Trust me, I was in many moods. I’m known to be a moody person, but this week, I chose differently. Because it’s no one else’s problem if I’m in a mood, it isn’t even my problem, unless I want it to be.
 
Don’t lay your mood at someone’s feet, it’s not a gift anyone wants. 
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Forgiveness

We have reached the end of November, and tomorrow we embrace the final month of 2017. I drew this card today.
The first feeling that came to me was, how although it may be tough to forgive others, it is tougher to forgive ourselves at times.

I feel this card is calling us to take the time to honour the sacred space that we embody on this earth, and allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel, and then stop beating ourselves up for whatever it is that we have done, or are doing, and decide to take the next best action.

Isn’t it time you surrendered, and forgave, you? 

 

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Permission to Outgrow

I have worked with various counsellors, healers, business and personal development coaches, groups and mentors of some kind for almost a decade. One of the biggest things I have learned, is knowing when it is time to take an inventory, and determine when I have outgrown a particular energy, teaching, dynamic or style.

Which, let me tell you, is not a simple thing to do. Because Society tells us we must be a certain way. We must choose a specific route. We should / shouldn’t do certain things. Here are some of my favourite examples that have kept me out of right-relationship with my soul path.

Articles and posts on how if you have the same friends from Pre-School you must be loyal, and if you don’t then you’ve got something wrong with you. Or any other cliché I’ve read this week.

The commitments I’ve made to stay the course of a particular group or class, because walking away would make me look bad.

The twelve step groups that mocked and said “don’t worry you’ll be back”, when I expressed that I felt aligned with a different direction on my journey.

Let’s not forget the friends who think I abandoned them because I no longer want to “hang out”, talking about the weather, drinking or hearing about their latest escape mechanism from reality.

Let’s take this a step further. The medical professional, the lawyer, the accountant, the massage therapist, the business coach, who really don’t align for you anymore. But you feel you are obligated to stay, for whatever reason your mind tells you.

This, is, not, true.

It doesn’t make them wrong, or you right. Or you wrong, or them right. It isn’t about that at all.

It is about, aligning with YOURSELF, and what your soul knows.

Here’s the thing. We outgrow people, and stuff and things. period.

It’s called, change. It’s called, expansion. It’s called, thriving. It’s called, living your life the way your soul wants.

Are you feeling stuck? It might be time to look at who and what you are surrounded by. What you think is helpful, may actually be the training wheels that simply need to come off so you can soar.

What if just for today, you gave yourself permission to evaluate everything you are taking into your life, and how it is, or isn’t contributing.

You really may be surprised at what awaits if you make space by releasing the things you’ve outgrown.

Yours, In darkness, light and unicorn huggz. 💜

Suicide Prevention Day

Today is world suicide prevention day.

I’m holding sacred space today for my life with deep love and gratitude for where I am, in this moment, because of my choices, all of them.

I’ve written endless posts on this topic in the past and I’ve been met with an array of responses. So today, I’m choosing simple yet powerful.

Love.

I have love for…

for those who have chosen to die
for those who have chosen to live
for those who are still deciding