February 4, 2019 – A chapter

Staring in her cup of coffee, head tilted forward, a single tear escapes her eye and drips right in. She’s drank many a tear before.
 
This rumbling anxiety stirs in her heart just below the surface as she sits, and glances at the clock one more time. Wondering, waiting and hoping that the day isn’t lost, again.
 
Dreams of the past flash through her mind just like in the movies. Only rather than witnessing, she feels it all again, a nightmare on a loop.
 
Sitting silently, she wonders what is next. Boredom and sadness have surrounded her. She tiptoes around the corner of her mind, looking for something to grasp at.
 
Something to zero in on and unravel, but there is nothing.
A hollow shell once filled with a symphony of thoughts, questions and confusion, sits vacant and void. Then she spots it. A door with a sign that says The Rabbit Hole. She slowly turns the knob and it falls off in her hand. As it crashes to the floor there is no sound. Have I gone deaf she wonders?
 
Banging the door, shoving it, picking at the space where the door knob once was. In the darkness and silence it refuses to open. She takes a few steps back and with all her might she throws her full body against the door. With a great thud, she bounces backward, crashing to the floor of her mind, and understands she is very disoriented but still cannot put thoughts together or make any sense of where she is or why she’s trapped.
 
She was dying. She didn’t know it, as her understanding and concept of the situation was not clear. She was trapped between the two worlds, the hall way in between. It was dark, there was no flash of brilliant white light, no welcome wagon or gates. But she was dying.
 
Dazed, she turned her head to the side and glanced once again at the door wondering when she would ever get out. In that moment, she heard the word surrender. It was the first cognitive moment she’d had since she’d been trapped.
She closed her eyes, relaxed into her body and “felt” surrender. It was like floating and being fully supported effortlessly. She was lighter, freer and calm. As she opened her eyes, she saw The Rabbit Hole door had shrunk in size and was no longer an option to escape through. But beside it, a new door was now open, with a warm inviting glow.
 
In her chest she could feel the warmth, the energy, the knowing, that this was the right door. With ease, she stepped through the doorway and immediately felt the door snap shut behind her.
 
She understood there was no going back.
 
There is no going back.
There is no going back.
There is no going back.

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