Honouring the Crickets, Forgiveness and My Victim Hat

 
The other day I was cleaning up some files on my computer. Yep, I do that. I apologize in advance to my future brilliant assistant but you will have your folders, and I will have my folders.
 
I came across the folder “Business and Personal Development” and it just wasn’t sitting right with me anymore. I didn’t like the way it read. I like thinking I’m in charge around here (Creator and Guides aside…) so I changed it.
 
I removed “Business”. I decided that everything I bring to the table, for myself and for others is personal. The development of ME is personal.
 
When ME get good – ME business gets better.
 
Business Development to me sounds like – ick. I don’t need anymore ick in my life, I’ve had enough.
 
As I browsed through that folder, I saw the names, classes and downloads of the MANY Healers, practitioners, business coaches, and intuitive readers, that I have paid/hired and/or acquired their freebies. It really got me thinking about my evolution in the last couple of months with my business/work of art/heartbeat/love/passion Rock Your Mud.
 
I also thought about how many of those “named individuals” in that folder list, didn’t get me what I needed. The b*stards. Some of you may even be reading this post!
 
Pardon me while I adjust my victim hat.
 
They didn’t give me what I needed. Or did they? (and they weren’t really b*astards but I was angry for a minute or 10 months)
 
Sigh. **removes victim hat**
 
From these lovely folks I received a whole lot of what I knew I didn’t want to be, and a whole lot of what not to do. Which is priceless, because my parents gave me that also. It showed me some clarity and I had some deep personal healing throughout all of my experiences.
 
Being the A+ perfectionist student I am, I applied what I could, laughed at the rest and cried to good friends who supported me through all my many ordeals with all the experts who were going to “make it better”. Unrealistic expectation numero uno.
 
I can’t blame anyone for what they did or didn’t do for me.
 
I can be disgruntled about it, but that doesn’t help either. Well that was cool while the victim hat was on. But I’m good at getting sick of my own crap pretty quickly now.
 
What I choose to do now, is to trust it was exactly what I needed at the time and place of where I was at.
 
I let someone know yesterday that I carried a lot of dark and negative energy around an experience we’d shared during some coaching time we’d shared. Wait what?
 
You see the deeper I get into my work now, and working with the people I am honoured to work with as a Mentor and Intuitive Healer to/for them, the more I see how easy it is to become wrapped up in leading a business the way “someone else” shows us how to do it. Rather than leading the business through my own heart and soul.
 
Huzzah!
That was the ticket. Every time a teaching/coaching/mentorship/healing felt “OFF” to me, was when it wasn’t being driven by that persons soul. It was being driven by that persons mentor, fear, parent approval, ego, flying spaghetti monster, or tip of the week.
 
One of the things I share with people in general as well as the people that choose me to work with them, is to give themselves silent time. EVERY DAY.
 
You can’t get clear on what it is you bring to the world if you don’t get quiet enough to hear yourself.
 
As helpful as other people are, you must build time into your life to “stop listening”…. to everyone else. Hired professionals, family, friends and others. Close your listening holes, and hear what’s on the inside.
 
In the last handful of months, I have stopped listening to others in a big kind of deleting/blocking/unfollowing/ignoring kind of way, and spent a whole lot of time listening to me.
 
Sometimes, you have to let go of everything to see what remains.
 
Some days I get so much information I don’t know what to do with it all, other days, crickets. Crickets are scary, because crickets make you think there’s nothing else, or there’s no more, or the information train has stopped.
 
But it hasn’t.
 
It’s just your Soul giving you a break.
 
We need to take breaks to breathe, have fun and also process what we’ve received.
 
Please forgive the people who didn’t GIVE YOU what YOU WANTED. Choose to trust that maybe you got what you needed.
 
Please make time to listen to yourself.
 
Please honour the crickets.
 
Please honour your evolution because it’s happening.
 
Love,
Heather
HereNow

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