I have the soul of a healer. My soul food, is helping others. Whether it be through the variety of day jobs I’ve had in my life, stepping in to assist a stranger, making sure my partner has everything he needs, showing up at a friend’s house to ease her worries, giving free healing sessions, doing paid healing sessions, writing, giving an hour and a half instead of just the hour, and often going above and beyond, give give give.
At one time in my life this would have been seen as traits similar to people pleasing, approval seeking and even codependency, and someone with super fluid boundaries. So fluid in fact, that they floated away… wayyyyyy out to the far beyond. I’m not sure they existed. You know what? That’s okay, because at the core of it all, it made my soul, crazy happy.
As the cool coaches say… “It lit me up!”
I came into this world to heal others. I’m not going to hide behind the guise anymore of whatever term of the week I would choose in the past. People ask what my calling is. People ask what my soul purpose is, and without a doubt, I am a healer.
The story of my Creation as I’ve only mentioned briefly before, was that I did not want to come here. I did not want to be here, but when I saw the darkness, I knew there was another way, and knew that the darkness wasn’t to be feared. Many people are familiar with the term lightworker. I do not call myself a lightworker, but I do believe in love, the power of our thoughts, and that magic is real. It is all highly romantic and beautiful really, and it feels so seductive and sexy, and it works. I have felt better. I have seen people feel better and make huge improvements in their life, and I truly love the light.
This morning as I was thinking about this, this term floated through my mind. Maybe it’s out there somewhere, maybe it’s been used, but I feel like I’m a Shadow Realist. Let me explain.
We all have dark times in our lives. In some way shape or form there is some sort of pain. There is a sliding scale of pain as we all handle life differently, but there is no room for judgment, or comparison. Pain, is pain to me.
When I look at someone’s pain, I see it deeply. I see through the bad mood, the argument, the words. I see beyond what I am being shown. I feel pain too. I feel it deep in my body. Not only mine, but yours. So many people have said to me, how I need to protect myself from this! Wrap myself in white light and purple light, and Unicorn dust, and I do, but this is how I connect with people. This is how I embody the connection between healer and client. Sounds rather “woo” I’m sure, but that’s the truth. Not to worry though, I feel the joy, love and excitement too. It’s wildly contagious and just as brilliant to experience, and I can disconnect it in an instant, it’s never hurt me.
The other part is that I’m a realist. I know, that the love light and butterflies have their time and place, but we need to know our darkness and our shadows. I actually feel uncomfortable saying this with authority because there is such brilliant lightwork out there, and I’ve been told so many times how “heavy” and “dark” I am, that I’m questioning my own truth here. That’s how I know my ego is stepping in, thinking I need to quiet down and go along, to get along.
My soul knows, that there is nothing to fear with the shadows or the dark, but we are so quick to put a balm on things that we don’t allow what needs to come through, to come through. What happens, is it comes back, it shows up when you don’t want it to, it ruins a perfectly good day, it burns your moment.
It’s one thing to say, this too shall pass, or everything happens for a reason, but if we don’t look at the this, or the reason, it’s going to swing by again, and again, and again.
I believe there are lessons in everything, and that those burns, depressed days, the anxiety, the physical pain, the argument, the sadness, the traffic, the challenge that shows up at your precious little feet, are all moments that we need.
I know, it sounds awful doesn’t it?
Why on earth could we *need* those moments? Because those are the days that we have been gifted, regardless of what comes with them. Yes, even the “bad” stuff, *wistful sigh*.
I ask, how would you know light, if you did not know dark?
As a Healer, I am able to see into that darkness with a certain level of I dare say, grace, and bring forward new visions, clarity, truths. I am then able to help put balm on soul wounds and heart aches. I am able, to dance with the shadows, in the dark and the light, with you.
As 2017 came to an end, I closed off many things in my life. I ended relationships, both personal and business. I closed out some business membership work I was doing much earlier than expected. I realized that I want to work with men and women. I discovered my affinity towards helping people with addictions. Not the common addictions like alcohol and drugs, these too, but other things like, anger, being stuck, money habits, food habits, our cell phones and I have to say it, Facebook.
So what do I see for 2018?
I see a lot of what you already have seen me offer, with a deeper commitment of authenticity, soul food and me.
My individual intuitive writing pieces, my oracle card readings, my Reiki energy healing treatments, interviews, drum medicine, online workshops, downloadable medicine, a new group, that I’ve been playing with for about 24 hours and am almost ready to open the doors on, one on one clients, a package or two of bundle healing offerings, and just all of me, in my way. No more gurus, no more “this is what everyone is doing” energy, no more this is how to sell, this is how to blah blah blah. Sounds like a lengthy list right? Lots of goals? Not enough focus? No “smart” map layout. No laser point direction.
But that’s just it, the soul, my soul, is very clear, and from one week to the next different things may feel good, because I’m a focused-what feels good right now-kind of healer, and I’m totally light, dark, shadow realistically cool with that.
P.S. Lots of purple hearts and unicorns too.