Men Get Treated like Crap Too

 
Words I never thought I would say, or a topic I ever thought I would discuss. Yet, I stand here, all woman, and I’m going to go there. It’s time to stop making things so taboo, it’s 20-f’n-17, and it’s time.
 
Although my Healing Work and Writings are not typically gender specific, and it seems that my audience is mostly women, I am dedicating this one to the guys.
 
Something that isn’t talked about very often, is how many women out there abuse their male partners. Whether it be physical, mental or emotional, abuse is abuse. I’m going to be sharing about the mental and emotional side today.
I’ve witnessed first hand, not realizing what it was in the moment. Not seeing the manipulation, the secrecy, the façade of “this is on you”. I’ve seen conversations get twisted around, and deception unfold right in front of me. I know women, and I know of women, who are masters at the mind game, who play the push pull game, who are so unbelievably unhealthy, they drag their man down into the trench with them.
But I didn’t interject.
 
Most of us don’t. Most of us keep our mouths shut because we think it’s none of our business. Or, maybe we question it, maybe we think oh, that’s probably just a one off flare up I’m sure it’s nothing.
 
Chances are, it’s probably not nothing.
 
I woke up this morning and this topic was heavily on my mind because of a chat I had with a friend of mine yesterday about a woman we both know who treated her partner like shit for years. He was the most brilliant, sweet and kind man I think I’ve ever known, and unfortunately passed away last year. Unrelated to the situation, or was it?
 
You see, he had a heart attack and died. I’m a firm believer that our emotional stressors show up in our physical bodies, and can do irreversible damage if left unchanged or unhealed.
Hindsight, of course, I remember all the things he didn’t do because it would upset his then partner. He wouldn’t take out his pride and joy of a muscle car because she thought it was too loud, he wouldn’t laugh too loud at the tv because she got annoyed, he got banished to the bedroom to watch a second tv if she wanted to watch something in the living room, but she’d never voluntarily go in there herself, he would pick her up every day after work for years, and she’d complain that maybe she just wanted to read a book and sit on public transit, he would ask her what she wanted for dinner and her responses would be, just pick something and make it! If he dared approach for physical contact, a hug, a shoulder rub, whatever it might have been, she would scowl at him and holler his name as if yelling at a child who had misbehaved and needed to be corrected. They never discussed problems, because she would just stop talking altogether and ignore him. When he was out on the road during his long haul trucking job and would call to say hello every day and check in, she would complain and say she didn’t need to hear from him. No matter what he did, it wasn’t good enough. This was just the beginning. Over time, his spirit eventually died. I watched it melt away. Finally they separated, but at that point, I was no longer coming around and spending time with either of them so I missed out on those years with him, but I know he found happiness in his final years, so for that, I am grateful.
Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself, maybe you’re still experiencing it. I can’t fix that situation, and I can’t undo the fact that I never had a heart to heart with this man to “shine a light”, on things, but I can certainly write about it today.
 
There is no shame in admitting that you are a male, and in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Just as I was told years ago, not all men are assholes, I’m here to let you know that not all women are either.
 
You ARE worthy of better. You DO deserve better. You CAN leave. I know, you think you’re stuck, I know you think you might be able to “fix” this, but, the only fix, is you deciding that you need to take care of yourself now.
 
When you make space in your life for the good to come, it will come. But as long as you stay stuck where you are, you are on a perpetual cycle that won’t end, until you change the pattern somehow. When you align yourself with people who love you, bring you joy and want nothing but to see you become the best version of yourself, your life will flourish. You will go from existing and trying to pacify whoever you are paired up with, to fully living and consciously being your beautiful male authentic self.
 
Sending support and loads of love your way, you’re not alone. 

Murky Mindset or Magical Mindset?

In keeping true to my focus lately, I’m sticking with my mindset theme this week.
 
As you’ve read in previous days, I’ve been really realigning my focus. Really owning the responsibility of my thoughts, feelings and actions.
 
My biggest lesson lately has been that we are only ready, when we are ready.
 
The fact is that people are only ready when they are ready.
 
Let’s take a murky mindset. For some reason, we human types hang out there. Maybe it’s because it’s all we know, maybe it’s because that’s what we grew up with, maybe it’s because we feel like we can’t get anything done “right”. Whatever the murky story is, that’s the reference point the person we are working from.
 
You’ve done it. I’ve done it.
 
Then, one day, we wake up, or something happens, and we have this moment of…clarity.
 
We decide that this murky mindset is not working anymore. We’re just kind of done with it.
 
This is where the magic happens. The magic of creation. The magic of seeking. The magic of change.
 
You see as soon as you DECIDE to do things differently, is when ideas flow, people show up, posts on pages and groups suddenly open your eyes and you think, wow, it has been here all along, but your awareness was what was missing it because you just weren’t ready to surrender your story yet.
Then you are. So things just start coming up Unicorns and Rainbows and O.M.G. life is a magical creation, and everything is wonderful, and you’re in love with the trees, and strangers, and suddenly your job is perfect, and your spouse is a delightful ray of sunshine, and your kids are just sweet little humans and you’re rich, and everything is f*cking GREAT! NOTHING CAN TOUCH YOU.
 
Right?
 
THEN, it happens, the murky mindset creeps in. Someone says something or does something. You see an angry post, you watch the news (don’t get me started on the news), you have a less than charming interaction with your loved one, whatever it may be, the MURK has RETURNED! Damn you murk!
 
This, is, just, a, test.
 
Yup. This is life, showing up, to see HOW you handle yourself. YOU are responsible for you. Your murk or your magic.
 
This is the glory of life. It continues to show up and send things your way, because you need to keep learning. We all do.
 
I LEARN DAILY. I haven’t got it all figured out, I don’t think I ever will. Each day, week, year sometimes hour to hour, brings a new layer to peel back and evolve from. Each layer I heal, brings me that much closer to aligning with my soul magic.
 
Until you learn your lessons, the lessons will keep repeating themselves.
 
This is why I do the work I do. This is why my soul purpose is to help people see the magic in the murk. It is THERE. I promise you with every fibre of my being and Spirit, your magic exists.
 
Are you ready to step into your magic? Or do you want to continue in the murk?

Not half bad

As I weave my way through my life, I often sit back and reflect. I wonder, what I’ve done well, and what I could be doing better.
A handful of years ago I got this idea that I should celebrate my half birthday. Which calculated the simplest way, is six months after your birthday. Humans like to complicate things, so I’ll let you google half birthdays on your own time if you’re really mathy and want more specifics.
 
I’m not sure where I first heard it, or what prompted me to recognize it, but it struck me how little we celebrate life…how some people absolutely hate their birthday for whatever their personal reasons are… and at the age of 24 I got sick and tired of hearing how no one would celebrate my birthday on January 2nd because it’s the “last thing anyone wanted to think about after Christmas and New Year’s”. Lovely. What a WAY to celebrate the shiny sparkly sometimes Muddy Unicorn that I am.
So for my 25th I started planning my own birthdays, and well, people came. Very rarely did anyone not show up. If they didn’t, it was for a damn good reason. Like travel or previous family engagements. Not because “oh, but it was just Christmas and New Year’s.. we can’t possibly make time for another celebration”.
 
Since then, I have spent time with the most important people on my birthday. Sometimes it’s been a couple of dear friends, sometimes it’s been a larger group, sometimes just one person. Sometimes the birthday gathering might be a week or so later, but a birthday to me, is a big deal.
 
My half birthday, today, July 2nd, is also special for me. I don’t plan a special event, I don’t collect my nearest and dearest, but I do reflect. I sit with my thoughts, my feelings. I look back on the last six months of my life and see about how the next six may go.
 
Remember when you were a kid, or maybe you have children now, who when you mention their age, they correct you and say, no I’m not I’m 6 and a HALLLLFFFF!!!! Getting older, taller, bigger, “grown up” is all the rage. Until you become one, but that’s a whole other blog post.
 
This morning I sit, at 36 and a half.
 
I sip a perfect cup of tea, that I’m convinced my maternal Grandmother helps me stir from the Spirit world every time I make one, books, pens, plans and ideas all around. Birds chirping, a gentle breeze in the air, and a birthday wish from my dear sweet man before he headed off to work.
 
My thoughts, now here for you to take in, and maybe even a few secrets.
 
I’m not afraid of getting old, I’m afraid of living an unfulfilled life.
I had a very restless night, and have had nightmares for a week about people dying, accidents happening, things I’ve done wrong coming back to haunt me.
 
I understand the fragility of life.
 
I know my strength.
 
Every single day, I try to make someone smile or laugh, but often struggle to do this for myself.
 
Sometimes, as the days go by, I wonder what else will change for me, and what will stay the same.
 
Personal development is and has been my primary focus for a couple of years, but sometimes I wonder if I’m doing a good enough job, but only I know, since I’m the one who lives in this body, and no one else can really gauge that can they?
 
I’ve gotten angry, resentful and mean more times than I’d like to admit in the last six months.
 
I’ve loved hard, given more than I thought possible and cared when I didn’t think I would about certain things.
 
I’ve rediscovered my love for baking, cooking, and get lost for hours in the kitchen.
 
I’ve cracked my heart wide open to receive, and sometimes get really scared that she made decide to close down and give up.
 
I understand the importance of forgiving myself.
 
I understand the necessity of staying in the healthiest mindset possible.
 
I’ve been both blessed and cursed with unique gifts and abilities, like being a mix between claircognizant, clairsentient, clairaudient and clairvoyant, depending on the day or situation. Some of these more than others.
 
I am an author.
 
Most importantly I am the author of my life. Today, that looks like me lovingly allowing whatever shall come today, and graciously accepting that I have be gifted the last 36 and a half years on this planet.