Thoughts from the Pond

As I sat down this morning to write, I asked what do I need to hear? What do I need to share? This is what came through.

I love the end and the beginning of every month.  It’s a clear indicator to me that beginnings are always going to happen. Some get excited about New Year’s Eve, I say, we bring that excitement into each 24 hour round. Life, is to be celebrated.

If we consider time, on a clock or a calendar, day turns into night, sunrise turns into sunset, and then back around we go.  Seasons, are one day at a time, and they shift and change. But it isn’t so easy sometimes is it?

When we sit in the moment of whatever endings we may be experiencing, sometimes they are painful.  It could be the end of a phase in your life, it could be a person changing forms and leaving this earth as you know them, it could be a career change, it could be a financial change, or a medical change.  Whatever it is, I’ve seen regular evidence of all of these things, turning into the most beautiful beginnings very soon after.

As you sit in the mud, and feel through that energy, give yourself permission to leap a little forward in you heart and mind.  Imagine what it’ll feel like when you get on the other side of that ending.  Will it feel like freedom? Peace? Love? Expansion?

This isn’t about denying what you are feeling right now, because I’m a firm believer that we have to feel all the feelings during our processes, but I do believe that it is about helping ourselves see the flip side and giving our hearts a break from the sadness, disappointment, the ending, we might be sitting in.

As we turn the page on this month, I know I need to let go of the expectations I had for the last 60 days.  Yup.  I’ve been dragging my ass on some issues through April and May.  Just as equally as I have witnessed and experienced beautiful things too! My time, my life, my relationship and my business all had divine and incredibly delightful moments. But there were also things I really wanted to have happen in some areas, and they didn’t. I spent days and nights disappointed because I was trying so hard, pushing so much, give give give.  But I know if I stare at all the things that didn’t happen, I cannot appreciate the things that did.

Today I’m closing the door on the gurus, the experts, and the un-solicited advice givers.
Today I’m saying good-bye to things that aren’t aligned.
Today I am putting an end to being wrapped up in the concerns of how things “should” be done.

Today, I sit in the muddy pond, I love it for what it is, another layer to love, and I wave goodbye to all that no longer needs to be.

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Anchors

Anchors
 
We outgrow people, places and things. This isn’t unnatural. But we often beat ourselves up for it. We cling to whatever it might be, because of what it represented. Thinking there is something wrong with us, if we “cut someone out”. The truth us, when you go through significant healing or events during your life, everything is going to change. We think that we have some sort of loyalty or responsibility to a person because they were there for us during a certain period of time, but you’ve since gone in different directions. We think we need to keep visiting a place because it reminds us of where we grew up, but now it looks and feels different and we can’t find that joy it once represented. We think we need to hold onto things because they were given to us by a since passed family member.
 
I’ve come to believe that these people, places and things, anchor us to our pasts, and hold us back from experiencing the new. From stepping fully into ourselves now. Memories, and experiences live on forever in our hearts, and just because a person place or thing was good for you at one point in your life, it does not mean it needs to be present now.
 
There isn’t anything wrong with outgrowing anything, it is a sign of transformation. It is a sign of change. It is a sign of peeling back another layer of your soul truth. Give yourself permission to cut those anchors.
 
What people, places and things, do you need to be free of so that you can align with you, now.

Reset!

I’ve had a very busy and productive weekend, but my list of things to do, is as long as I am tall. Okay, okay I know I’m only 5’4 but the point is, it’s longer than a little 3×3 sticky note!

As soon as I woke I started thinking about all the things I wanted to do today, or thought I needed to do today and what I realized is that the first thing I need to do is breathe, sit quietly, and slow down.

So often we rush into our days without taking a minute to really focus on what absolutely needs to get done, or what can wait. I could feel myself headed down that path which typically isn’t my style, and my refreshed sense of well-being escaped me in minutes.  Thankfully I’m quick with the self-awareness these days, and I knew I had to stop right then and there and re-group. I had to press the reset button on my morning.

I put the pen down. I stopped my brain, I sipped my coffee, opened my windows and I listened to the birds singing. I also looked around to see if I could see the squirrels doing their morning routine at the tops of the trees, which gives me a truly peaceful feeling to watch them work.  I got thinking about the squirrels and how they instinctively know exactly what needs to be done in that moment.  Like all animals really.  They don’t have a to-do list that they sit down and formulate every day, they just have their innate ability to do what needs to get done.

The other week I was watching them collect leaves and twigs that they were chewing off from the tops of the trees, they would then scurry down and place them in what appeared to be a little nest or perhaps a tree-house of some kind, and then they’d go back up another branch and find something else.  I was watching this one little guy the other day struggling with this one piece that got caught on another branch.  He tugged and tugged.  His little friend watching on another branch nearby.  It was like watching National Geographic but LIVE! I sat here with my eyes wide, my shoulders tense and on the edge of my seat in a near sweat wondering how this would play out.  I’m 3-storeys up so all I could think was please do not fall!!  Talk about being in the fear-based moment! Of course, I then remembered how squirrels have been doing this for years and he’s probably not going to have an issue.  The branch came loose, and off he went to his interior decorating assignment.  Which brings me back to today.  Things are only as stressful as I make them, or believe them to be.  Demands, expectations and to-do lists are only struggles if I create them with that energy.

So today, I’m going to tap into things differently.  I’m going to still have my list, but see it as “just” a list.  A list that can take a day, or a week or a month depending on the item.  Do I need to do the basics today like eat, enjoy, and rest? Absolutely!  Do I need to spend 4 hours reorganizing a closet or rebuilding my website right in this moment? Will that complete my day? Sometimes it would, but not today.  Today is about trusting and knowing that whatever may be on the list or isn’t on the list that I need to put time toward, will Intuitively come to me in the appropriate Divinely Guided Timing.

What do you need to do today to reset?

Reset

The Mud Is Beautiful

I was rejecting the mud. Yup, Queen Muddie right here, in the flesh, was rejecting the mud yesterday. I was not in a good place. Everything that could come up yesterday, came up. I cried about it, I posted about it, I talked about it.
I was a muddy train wreck.
 
Then, a sweet human angel (who is probably tired of me thanking her everywhere she has posted her beautiful video) came along and reminded me of EFT, she even did a video for me right there on the spot. As a sat at my desk at my day job, I tapped away following along, I hoped to all of Creation that no one walked by.
 
My lesson was to remember that it is perfectly okay to feel not-okay. It is okay to speak your truth. It is okay to have a bad day.
 
This Mud Queen, right here, definitely knows about the power of positive thinking, inspired action and manifesting, but I also know, that we have to honour and see our dark sides.
 
My history if numbing my feelings, in some way, in any way that I could find, was what perpetuated the cycle of dis-ease in my soul.
 
Some of the tools I used to numb? Alcohol, food, people and material things. I was SO good at numbing. I was a master at it. Until one day, my choices became die, or change. So, I died to my old ways, and changed.
 
Over those early days of my healing journey, my numbing tools would come in and out of my life to varying degrees, and slowly, one day at a time, one struggle after another, I would learn how to accept my good days and my bad days with grace, acceptance and love.
 
Today, as I write this, I am so filled with gratitude, that the tears roll down my cheeks, allowing me to both cleanse and celebrate where I am today, and splash around in the mud with as much joy as this awesome Otter.
muddyotter

Taking Inventory

One of the things I learned many years ago through my work in 12-step programs was to take a daily inventory. How was my behaviour today? My actions? My words? My mood? How did I treat others? Over the years how I do this has changed to a Heatherized version, but it benefits me regularly.
 
Was there anything I need to correct, adjust or own? Did I need to discuss my behaviour with someone if I stepped out of line? Did I need to apologize to someone? What did I need to do better?
 
This daily inventory became so important to me that now it happens almost instantly in the moment. As I became more focused on self-care, the tools I would have to sit down and really think about started to become natural. It wasn’t easy over the course of the last couple of decades. I struggled, and if it wasn’t for those struggles I wouldn’t be here now, able to share in this current space I am in.
 
A space that remembers what it is like to be lost, struggling and frustrated. A space that has become beautiful and sacred, but always remembering “when” and “how” it was. It is easy to fall into old ways. It is easy to go back to old habits. When the pain of staying the same outweighed the pain of change (can’t remember where I first heard that), I realized that I needed to make adjustments.
 
Commitment. Consistent. Focused. Patient. Loving.
I had to commit to myself, to be consistent and focused, yet patient and loving.
 
Taking an inventory of your day to day isn’t intended to beat you up, shame you or guilt you. It is a tool to use, so you may dial in and review, and take care of yourself. Remember, each step is still a step, no matter how big or how small you want to label it, just keep taking steps.
 
Your heart and soul will thank you.
 
HLT💜RockYourMud

Hello May, Happy You’re Here

Good Morning Muddies – It is May 1st!
 
April was a hell of a ride, as I’ve mentioned on and off, and yesterday I dare say I spent the day grieving the deaths of as many things as I could think of that no longer served me. Judgments about my body, my business, my choices. Doubts and fears regarding where I belonged or didn’t. A whole boatload of other things that to be honest, I’d rather not spend time writing about in this particular post.
 
Let’s do this shall we?
 
I am interested in all sorts of things from astrology, to numerology, to patterns, to odd numbers, to the Spiritual Meanings of the various medicines that show up in our lives. Crystals to oracle cards. You name it, I’m all over the place. So what I wanted to do was breathe into what May was about for me. It took me a good week or so to really ground myself into what this month could represent, and what I wanted to do with my 31 days. Living in the moment, one day at a time of course, but making the most out of each day in an elevated way with fierce commitment.
 
May is about action. It is about showing up as best as I can, every single day. We spend so much time talking about what we “wish” we could change, or things we “want” to make better, but quite often we don’t take the action steps to actually make the changes.
 
Over the last few weeks I have been seeing 5s and 5:55, everywhere. I LOVE odd numbers so seeing 5 just made me smile in general. I also get up at 5 every single day. I honestly never thought much about it, just thought oh.. there go my Angels/Guides and Signs again, without actually asking what it was supposed to represent.
 
Then this morning, I realized something. May is the 5th month of the year.
 
So I asked, What do I need to do about this magic you’ve been showing me Universe?
 
The magic this month, is about Action.
 
At 4:17 this morning I woke up, which represents two personal connections for me, which I thought of right at that moment, and then I promptly went back to sleep after thinking to myself “no bloody way I’m getting up yet, I still have 43 minutes! I don’t “math” but when I do, it’s about calculating how many minutes of sleep I still have left.
 
I opted not to get myself out of bed at 5, but rather let my body do what it needed to do. I went back to sleep and by about 6:30 I finally moved again. I hid under the blankets for a moment, knowing that today was Day 1. Day 1 of action. You see I committed to myself that it was time to take a fresh approach to my body and caring for her. In a brief flash of doubt and “no I don’t wanna”, within a few minutes, I was in my gym clothes, tightening my running shoes and headed out the door. While I drove to the gym, I imagined myself in a healthy body, showing up for myself, just like all the other people showing up for themselves at the crack of 7 AM ON A MONDAY. (Sorry had to get that off my chest).
 
My self-talk quickly got very serious with me. Maybe it was Spirit, but I was hearing it loud and clear.
 
YOU belong here.
YOU deserve physical wellness.
YOU can do this.
 
You see, one of my biggest challenges in life that I don’t often talk about is body image. I was probably 5 (oh look there’s a 5 again) or 6 years old when I first started feeling like I was different and didn’t belong. Physical health was not something anyone I was around focused on. In school, I was a member of the track and field team, long distance running was my thing. I don’t remember much about that time in my life, but I know I did it, and I finished. Somewhere along the way, my body got bigger as I went through puberty at 10 years old, and it would be years before I ever set foot in a gym again. As my body changed, my mind changed. I was never happy with my body, and I grew up with a family who had beliefs like “you’re fighting a losing battle”, “we are all morbidly obese”, “what’s the point”, “your body shape is good, just lose the stomach”… the list goes on. I was also around a family that judged people for “being” fat, or having large breasts. I remember them being referred to as “udders” at one point. Yup, moo. Major spiritual meanings behind cows by the way, and they are absolutely beautiful creatures.
 
I remember the shame that was associated with a larger body size. How it was important to hide under big baggy clothing, and suck things in, and squeeze into those awful “slimming” pantyhose things. Seriously?
 
The epic part of this, is that all along, I KNEW none of this was true. But it was a demon I had not yet slayed. It was a demon that I would continue to feed. Figuratively and literally.
 
Yesterday, with the outgoing month of April, and all it’s mud. I allowed all of those stories to die. That’s all they are. Old stories. You can’t write new stories, from the frame of reference of the old stories. You have to go at least one level back, before that story started. What made that story come to be?
 
Einstein is my guy to sum this up. “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
 
If I had gone to the gym this morning thinking, I’m fat, unhealthy and can’t fit in here, how well do you think that whole time would have gone for me? Do you think my body would have showed up? My mind would have been outside in the parking lot waiting for me to hurry up and finish so we could go home and eat.
 
I’ve spent YEARS working on my emotional, mental and spiritual health. I’ve reprogrammed, discovered, and conditioned myself enough to know that my head needs to be very clear, focused and fiercely determined before my body will jump into alignment. My whole-self, is an ongoing work in progress, some areas are balanced and some need more attention and dedication.
 
This, is how I’m doing May, what’s your plan of action? Is there a change you need to make in some area? Is there a pain point you need to invest in to better yourself? Is there something you need to adjust, so you can come into alignment with your truth?
May

April says Good Bye

In just a few hours, we will say good bye to yet another month.

April was quite the ride. Today is going out with some pretty low lows. I have had to do a lot of releasing today, tonight. I’ve cried plenty of tears. I’ve sat in frustration. I’ve felt brief moments of relief. I have felt fear. I have felt love.

I have read over some notes and journals of the last year. I have thought of situations and events that shaped me. I have talked with beautiful friends today and been supported. I’ve received confirmation and love.

As the saying goes. April showers bring May Flowers… we all know how I feel about the mud and the lotus…. so maybe.. just maybe I’m onto something.