From Guilt to Gratitude

I’ve come to learn that I need to listen to my inner ideas and suggestions.  Yes I know, you’re reading this thinking, but you’re an Intuitive so how is this news?

About a month ago, I lost someone very important to me.  He died, suddenly and unexpectedly.  I do want to share why his passing was extra meaningful to me.

You see, as life often takes us in different directions from people, it takes a certain level of effort to stay in touch sometimes.  Through no fault on anyone’s part, life just happens.  What I discovered, was that back in the summer, I kept saying to myself how I wanted to attend these weekly car show nights, that I knew this person would be attending but week after week, I didn’t make it for some reason or another.  Then, it turned into how I should just give him a call.  Again, the days and weeks went by.

Phone rings.  I look at the call display.  You know how there are certain people who just don’t call? They are the ones that send an email or a text? This was one of those people.  Why was this person calling me? This isn’t good.  I knew it wasn’t good.

Hello? Hey.  Are you sitting down? Yes, I said, as the life drained slowly from my body.  I can still feel the lifelessness of my legs in that moment, so I’m glad my friend asked me if I was sitting.  Bruce passed away last night, he said.

All I could do was ask “what happened” as the tears began to fall, and every thought of visiting and calling him for the last handful of months flooded my mind.

I’m still not sure what our mutual friend told me about what had happened, but I thanked him for the call, and I sat there.

As I sat, the guilt hit me, and I felt my heart crumble. The signs, that I had been shown, and heard in my own damn head, were ignored.  I had denied myself yet again.

I realized that it took this man’s death, for me to wake up. For me to truly and fully embrace and realize my power.  My strength. My talent. My gift. My abilities.  It took me losing the man I considered to be a second father and a damn amazing pal, for me to breathe new life, into myself.

I realized, that my higher levels and intuitive self were trying to tell me to make time for this person.  To call, to reach out, to connect.  But I didn’t. It took me a few weeks to recover from the guilt and agony of that.  I’ll never know how things would have been different, or what our final conversations may have looked like, but what I do know, is that when I get that inspired thought to do something, or say something, or call someone, or visit them, I will make the time.

So, yes.  As intuitive as I am, there are still moments where the ego battles the gift, and sometimes wins, and this was just one reminder for me, that I’m on the right path. This was just one reminder, that it is about time I keep doing what I was put here to do.  To heal, to love and to live.

Thank you Bruce, for everything you did for me while you were here, and in your last act, when you physically left us, you gave me the greatest gift of all, a reminder to follow my heart and my truth.

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