When I finally decided to step into action and really do deep healing, many things happened. Feelings flooded me. Fears slapped me in the face, and there seemed to be some sort of spiritual combat that took place. Each time I would get to a certain point on my journey I would have to decide, if I wanted to push on and continue, or if I was going to escape. Many times, I would claw my way back to whatever felt safer in the moments before. Sometimes I’d take a half a year off from doing any healing, or sometimes just a few weeks or days. It was powerful, intense, and fucking majestic all at the same time. Things have happened to me on this journey that I can only explain to you as laying there in your body, and feeling yourself die. But you’re trying to fight it, your body doesn’t want to die. But your heart, oh your heart begs you to just surrender. Surrender to whatever it is that is happening, and you finally let go. You close your eyes, and you let those pieces of you die. You let everything that no longer serves you, die. Sounds gentle and perfect doesn’t it?
Gentle and perfect. Heather, you just said Spiritual Combat and dying is gentle and perfect. IT IS. It can be. If you allow it. But you won’t, you’ll fight it. Because that’s what you do, you fight change. You resist the enemy! You protect yourself! You will LIVE! Huzzah!
But what if I told you, you, are your enemy, which is why you FIGHT so hard to hold onto everything that no longer serves you. Because it’s comfortable, it’s predictable, you can rely on it! You can control it, because it’s what you know. But, if you stop for just one moment, and let yourself see, feel, realize, and KNOW what it is that is causing you the un-happiness, the dis-ease, the pain… and just sit with that discomfort for a minute longer this time, and let it show you, you’ll see, and you’ll know, exactly what you need to do or stop doing.
P.S. If you made it to the end of this, and you sat through the discomfort, congratulations, this, was your appetizer and you survived.
P.P.S. You officially have a 100% success rate as of this moment.