The Healing Journey

When I finally decided to step into action and really do deep healing, many things happened. Feelings flooded me. Fears slapped me in the face, and there seemed to be some sort of spiritual combat that took place. Each time I would get to a certain point on my journey I would have to decide, if I wanted to push on and continue, or if I was going to escape. Many times, I would claw my way back to whatever felt safer in the moments before. Sometimes I’d take a half a year off from doing any healing, or sometimes just a few weeks or days. It was powerful, intense, and fucking majestic all at the same time. Things have happened to me on this journey that I can only explain to you as laying there in your body, and feeling yourself die. But you’re trying to fight it, your body doesn’t want to die. But your heart, oh your heart begs you to just surrender. Surrender to whatever it is that is happening, and you finally let go. You close your eyes, and you let those pieces of you die. You let everything that no longer serves you, die. Sounds gentle and perfect doesn’t it?
Gentle and perfect. Heather, you just said Spiritual Combat and dying is gentle and perfect. IT IS. It can be. If you allow it. But you won’t, you’ll fight it. Because that’s what you do, you fight change. You resist the enemy! You protect yourself! You will LIVE! Huzzah!
But what if I told you, you, are your enemy, which is why you FIGHT so hard to hold onto everything that no longer serves you. Because it’s comfortable, it’s predictable, you can rely on it! You can control it, because it’s what you know. But, if you stop for just one moment, and let yourself see, feel, realize, and KNOW what it is that is causing you the un-happiness, the dis-ease, the pain… and just sit with that discomfort for a minute longer this time, and let it show you, you’ll see, and you’ll know, exactly what you need to do or stop doing.
Peace out.
Bliss out.
Heather out.
P.S. If you made it to the end of this, and you sat through the discomfort, congratulations, this, was your appetizer and you survived.
P.P.S. You officially have a 100% success rate as of this moment.

I know, I see, I feel

As I watch the sun rise, I am reminded that I know deep truths. I have been gifted with knowledge, with intuition and with a beautiful life. It wasn’t always this way. I had periods of many years linked together of agony, of mistrust, and of not knowing. As I began to heal, I started to realize that all of the things I had been taught not to question, not to analyze, not to wonder about, were all the things that I now know, were an integral part of who I REALLY am.

I’ve written on this topic in the past when I was just breaching the surface of this understanding, but now, after this week, I know even more things about myself and I never DREAMED these things would be possible. I’m no longer afraid to question when something doesn’t feel right. I’m no longer going to silence myself when I see something being done incorrectly that isn’t contributing to this gift of a life we have. I’m also no longer shackled to the way I think things “should” be.

I stand here before you, as a person who knows, knows from experiences, and knows from a deep part of my soul, that most of the things we believe about ourselves, is not true. Even the stuff that we’ve been “diagnosed” with. No, I don’t have research papers, or studies to show you, and I was always a science and proof based girl. But that wasn’t serving who I was. What has served me, is having unwavering faith in knowing that all is well, and that the more loving I am in every aspect, the more I honour my gifted life.

To be continued…

The Unplanned Break

At some point in late August, I felt the desire to take a break. A break from writing, a break from working with clients, a break from life. The truth is, it wasn’t planned, it just sort of went that way. Certainly says a lot about desire, doesn’t it?
I love it when I’m in the groove and everything is flowing just as it should. Shit. Don’t we all? But the reality is, that’s not really life, there are always hills and valleys, in my life anyway. I’m sure in yours too. These hills and valleys could be hourly for some, or over the span of years for others. The point is, we really are all kind of in this beautiful mess together.
In the last handful of weeks, things finally came to a head for me. I realized that I, the self-proclaimed life coach/mentor/Intuitive Healer/whatever you feel like calling me today – wasn’t really doing a whole lot of personal work in the last couple of months. I’d like to say that my forced break was an active decision, but it felt more like a forced response from my body, and my mind basically said, “ok sister, you’re down for the count for a while, we’ll let you know when you’re good to go again.”. I felt as if my body had betrayed me. I felt as if my mind had been abducted by the mental health aliens, and that I was stuck in some alternate universe, yet completely existing and showing up still, in my life here as I know it.
Then, I realized that I was again, being too much for everyone else, and not enough for myself. Not even one tiny bit was I showing up for me. Trust me, watching netflix and sleeping for hours on end isn’t really self-care, it’s avoidance, and a distraction, but, slowly, I clawed my way out because I knew I needed more.
I finally decided to reach out to people who I know care about me. People who could love me, when I couldn’t love myself. I had some decisions to make, before things got worse. Decisions that I’ll write about in another post, as for now, I’m just feeling like cracking open the tip of the iceberg of where I am today.
During the unplanned break, I did learn a few things, you know, hindsight and all that. I learned that we are all just trying to do our best. I learned that speaking my truth is the most important thing I need to do for myself. I learned that it’s okay to be honest, and that fearing the response is pretty normal. I know I need to ask for what I want. That “no” isn’t always a bad answer. Mostly, I learned, that I still have a 100% success rate, and that when I go into survival mode, I always emerge stronger, healthier and happier.
So, what am I getting at here… for you, my dear reader is this, if you’re reading this, you too, have a 100% success rate, because you too, are still here.