Chia seeds and ink for my printer was all I was setting out for today. Then, things changed.
I realized I hadn’t gone on a drive with tunes cranked recently. Just because I could. In the past this was cheaper than therapy for me. It brought me the most joy during many challenging times in my life. The escape. I could clear my head, go away, and when I felt ready I’d come back. Some days I fantasized about seeing how far I could get before things felt good and what my new name would be when I started over. But I’d eventually chicken out and come back to the madness of my life, just a bit calmer. The truth is I couldn’t possibly ever go far enough in those days to feel good. True good. Not fake good.
Now, true good, greets me every single day. My head is often clear, and I don’t remember when I last desired an escape like the days of the past. Today’s drive was to remind me of freedom.
Freedom that I have daily now. Freedom that I have chosen to create. It was to also remind me of all the things I’d dreamed of creating during those escape drives, were now, in my life.
I reach a particular point in my journey, a few turns around a beautiful lake near our North Sanctuary/Summer Home/Trailer. I can feel this “thing” in my chest. It’s rising up, and it grips me.
Not just ordinary happiness, but happiness that brings tears to your eyes and gratitude through every cell in your body. True good happiness.
Coldplay’s song O (Fly On) happened to be playing during this moment and it went right through me. Later as I poked around on the internet, my take away is that it’s about completion, death to old stuff, memories, and how everything is always forward moving.
So fly on… ride through.. Maybe one day I’ll fly next to you. My one day, was today, and I was flying on with Faith Healer. She is no longer out of my reach. We are one.
A few days before my birthday I could feel this change happening. Describing it now it felt like a merging of sorts. I didn’t understand it, but something was different in me.
The day after my birthday I woke to the image of this symbol )0( <– imagine that’s the Triple Goddess Symbol (then you can go google if you’re not sure). It represents The maiden, mother and crone. I didn’t know that was the symbol at the time and had to ask a couple friends about it. This isn’t the first time I’d seen it of course but this was the first time it was in my mind so vividly and purposefully.
It took a few more days and some discussion to really know why this symbol came to my awareness and showed up for me.
Today as this happiness took over every part of my existence and created a waterfall of emotion, I realized that The Crone, the wise one, the knower, the teacher of the knowledge that without death there is no birth, arrived in my body in a way that I’ve been starting to allow. In a way that has taken me by surprise.
Faith Healer, is the Triple Goddess all rolled into one. I feel I’ve reached a point of knowing Soul Truths in a way that had previously escaped me or I rejected.
Faith Healer is the wise healer self that shows up in these words, my work with others, my channeling. She is the whole of all that ever was and is Heather, before Heather was even Heather. When I step into my Faith Healer self, rather than the Heather suit, the world is divinely different and beautiful.
It all had to play out this way. Every single minute. If you’re feeling hopeless, or inspired, this is for you to keep going, or to start.
It may appear easy for me to sit here and celebrate my life. To bring words to the page on how I’ve created my life from scratch. From pen to paper, visioning my life into existence. From my career, to my partner, to financial security, to homes, to experiences to vehicles. You know what? It is easy for me to share it, because I know it’s true and I know it’s possible for everyone. But it wasn’t easy to get to this moment.
The anxiety, the depression, the addictions, the fears, the not enough sleep, the arguments, the childhood challenges, the false beliefs, the systems, the paradigms, the drama, the pain, the so called failures, the not-good-enough-ness, the sickness, the diets, the weight, the abuse, the workplaces, the schools, the mistakes, the insanity, the medication, the choices, the suicidal thoughts.
All of the madness has brought me to this moment and shown me the way. It was never a straight line paved with sunshine and glitter. There were twists and turns. Detours, sink holes and every single detail of my life feeling like it was regularly under construction without any warning or caution signs.
I didn’t wake up after some rock bottom moment, or Angel vision or brilliant flash of light during a freak incident I which I found myself in a chat with Jesus or Satan. It’s been more like repeated experiences of “what the F**K” moments. That’s the truth. I was simply, doing life, the way I’d been shown to do it. The way I thought was the way to do it. Until I got sick of it. Until I got sick of the same old story, with the same old Heather driving the train to and through crazy town. People will tell you that they saw glimmers of hope in me. Glimmers of direction, but I also know some saw a deeply troubled young woman even though she tried to hide her realities. Heather always had it together. No matter what. Except for when she didn’t. Which very few witnessed.
I’m not sure last week was my 38th birthday. It feels more like my 1st birthday for brand new beginnings, and my 100th birthday from the wisdom that found the way through me and into some sort of comprehensible way this morning.
In the last few days, parts of my life that needed healing flashed before my eyes. My nights have been filled with frightening dreams, sleeplessness, and discomfort. My days filled with frustration, lack of focus and processing. Certain words by certain people. Judgments, comments, pain points. Their beliefs about why certain things couldn’t or wouldn’t happen. Or shouldn’t happen. My soul truth looked at these things, felt these things and allowed them to fall away. I’ve carried so much of that for so long, and now it was time for me to be free of them.
It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, what you’ve done, who you think is to blame (there is no blame by the way), it can all change. It can all become brilliant, beautiful and better.
Know this, your faith in what you can create, needs to be bigger than your faith in your doubts, troubles and pain.
I’ve done it, I’m doing it. You can too.
Follow your heart.
Do what feels right.
Spend time with who lights your soul up.
Have an exit plan if needed.
Have quiet and care time scheduled if these days are tough.
Know that your feelings aren’t wrong.
Make the day special to you.
I just got out of the shower, and as I was getting ready to start my magic for the day, I actually dug through my underwear drawer because there was a specific pair I wanted to put on.
Yep, I know. When you’re living as an Intuitive you learn to surrender that messages are going to show up on your underwear.
Shaving your legs.
Cleaning out the fridge.
Massaging your feet.
Making stew in the crockpot.
You get the idea.
But back to my undies.
I finished getting dressed.
Made a second cup of coffee.
Sat down and said oh okay. This is happening. I’m going to write about my underwear wisdom. It has taken me the entire month of November of churning, processing, and wondering when my next piece of writing may show up, and here it is. Underwear.
Is this also why we are told we should put a fresh pair on every day? So we get inspired and have learning moments?
Also, we need to stop calling it a pair of underwear. This is archaic information, much like the information and believe system I was trying to work with for the last handful of months.
Follow That Dream – Boom. There it was. Like a deck of oracle cards smacked upside the head, or a Unicorn stabbing me in the rear.
I’ve been chasing the dream for so long, that I forgot the difference between chasing and following.
Chasing feels like:
-a death grip
-things not going right
-the plan always missing the mark
-not good enough-ness
-Fear based actions and choices
Following feels like:
-Going with the flow
-Love based actions and choices
Friends, give yourself permission to stop chasing and start taking action steps to follow and create your dream.
I talk quite a bit about mindset because it is my superpower. Just like your mindset is your superpower.
New Moon’s are about manifesting. We cannot see the new moon so she is forgotten. Just like our mindset. We don’t “see” it so we forget about it.
When I stopped living my life needing proof…
When I stopped being jealous and angry over what others had and I didn’t…
When I stopped seeing change as a terrible thing…
When I stopped fearing tomorrow, next week or next year…
When I decided to trust and believe…
When I started living as if everything I’d wanted already existed in my life….
Things turned around dramatically for me.
The last two and a half years of my life have been purely 100% manifested.
As I spend my day in ceremony with this power, this medicine, this gift that we all have I will feel gratitude of what has unfolded for me, been shown to me, and the experiences I have been offered in the last two and a half years.
My manifesting work has happened on and off before this time frame, but I wasn’t conscious of it. It was spotty and I was still thinking “things just happen”. This has been a consistent two and a half years of conscious creation.
Will you decide today to start consciously creating?
Will you decide today to take fierce responsibility for your mindset?
Will you decide today to design a life you love? Or maybe just design an hour you love and go from there?
Embrace this new moon and embrace your beautiful mindset, it’s waiting for you.💜🦄🌑🤩
From the Heather Archives August 21 2016
Current Update: August 21 2018 – The direction that my life headed in after experiencing that loss, is a direction I am grateful for, it brought me to a level of clarity, wellness and direction I had previously not experienced. It has given me gifts, experiences and love. Each day I become even more focused and stronger in my knowing, and “home” has a new beautiful meaning once again.
August 22, 2014, I walked into my first home. Yes, Luna and I had lived in many places before, but none of them were home. We packed the essentials, kitty litter, bed, and food. A duvet, couch cushions (to sleep on), my pillow, and a change of clothes. Trying to move the darling Queen kitty on the day of the move had always been nothing shy of a nightmare with her, so this time I got wise. We would spend the evening in our home, sleeping on the floor, camped out, and excited as all hell to be in a place to call my own. Of course neither of us got much sleep, since I would gasp and hide under the duvet and she would bury her head at the various sounds and the things that go “bump in the night” when it comes to sleeping in new places. One thing was for sure, we had one another, and we were going to enjoy every minute of this part of our adventure.
In her eyes, the condo had wall to wall bed (carpet). She would roll around in the sun, and always retreat to the solarium whenever I left the door open for her. Whenever I was on the balcony she’d sit inside on my step and look out at me, upset because I was out of reach. About a year after we moved in, it became evident that my girl was getting older, not as spunky, and a bit more pained. From raised food bowls, to using an ottoman so she could get up on the bed, I made sure that she was able to do whatever she needed with ease. Unfortunately, Luna was only able to enjoy living here for just over a year, before age and illness took us down another path. It was time for her to be freed of her pain. For me, a whole new level of pain to heal.
As I held her for her last breath, I wasn’t sure how I could continue, she was my rock, and what most people don’t know, is that she had saved my life, but now I had to comprehend ending hers.
I still don’t.
I thought I would be able to celebrate this two year anniversary, as we all know I love any reason to celebrate, but I am torn with deep bittersweet feelings. I’m grateful to have my home, my space, my sanctuary. I worked hard for it. I struggled for it. I busted serious ass and spent a great deal of time healing my life journey to get to where I am.
One thing that remains forever changed, is how different home feels, without her here. Tonight, I pray that she visits me, her energy infuses with mine, and I get to feel what home feels like again. Just one more time.